Maybe, for a smile? 1. I can please only one person per day - today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking too good either. 2. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. 3. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. 4. Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do. 5. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain the way whales look? 6. Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know? 7. I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. 8. Today my Reality Check bounced. 9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. 10. I have not yet begun to procrastinate. 11. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier. 12. There are two rules for ultimate success in life. 13. Never tell everything you know. 14. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. 15. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. 16. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. 17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 18. Someday we'll think back on all this and probably plow into a parked car. 19. How did people look busy at work before computers? 20. I hear voices in my head - but they don't speak my language. 21. Every dog has his day - you missed yours.